If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
