Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
