Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
