I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
