New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
