foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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