Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
