I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
