oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
