During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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