You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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