Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
whose parrot is this?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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