i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
