So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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