I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
