have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
