So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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