someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
