Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
