I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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