I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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