We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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