i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just found puke in my bra..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
