Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
