remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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