Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
