We won't sleep together?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
