I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
