Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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