Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
smell my finger.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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