Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think my mom watched the whole time
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
