He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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