just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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