The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
