YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
