i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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