Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
