ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My vagina just clenched in fear
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
