If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
