I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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