When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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