Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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