You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
