i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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