i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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