I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
