So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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