I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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