Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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