I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
