We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
