Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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