3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
