I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
