Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Couch. On fire.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
