i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
