Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
