Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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