You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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