Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
