Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The air was thick with penises
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
