i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
