THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
