Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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