i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
