dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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