I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
