Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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