Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
