My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
