period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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