We named our party play list daddy issues
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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